from the mouths of babes

Yesterday I was invited to share in a free lunch at a nearby Thai restaurant by a co-worker who had won lunch for 8. I was thrilled to hear I was included in his chosen 8, and gladly headed out just after noon for some free grub.

More of a big picture kind of guy, and not one to focus on the small details of any situation, my co-worker conveniently left out one minor part of this free lunch deal. In order to get our lunch, all 8 of us would have to sit and listen to a pitch by from a financial services sales rep. After sitting captive (and hungry) through this pitch, the rep would then allow us to order lunch.

We all arrived at the restaurant and were greeted at the door by a cute sandy haired, baby-faced guy named Chuck. I say “guy” because I can’t really go so far as to call him a “man”. I would guess Chuck’s age to have been 23, at the most. Wearing what looked like his dad’s suit – his dad’s suit that was two sizes too big – Chuck greeted us with a “Hey ya’ll, I’m Chuck from ************ (a financial services company)” and escorted the group to some tables in the back corner of the restaurant. We sat down and really without even a slight pause (or an offer of even a beverage, for crying out loud), Chuck went right into what I would really define not so much as a sales pitch, but really a full-on act, a one man financial show of sorts.

I say this because his presentation was more than just the facts: “At ************ we can help you learn more about how to invest your money”. No, what Chuck offered was more like this: “Ok, so you guys like to make money, right? I know I do. And how about making some money without working more hours? You guys like that idea, right? I know I do.” Chuck didn't make eye contact – he looked right over our heads and rattled off words that I imagine he rattles off several times a day, in the exact same manner. And the fact that he was speaking so quickly, and slurring many of his words together, I really wasn’t catching everything he was saying. He would laugh at his own jokes now and then, and we’d all perk up for that, but were quickly lost again.

As Chuck continued speaking, I started imagining that probably just a couple of years ago he was still in college, and I then reached the conclusion that Chuck was a frat boy. Everything about him said frat boy. Now I should probably explain something. I always had a strong feeling of love/hate towards the stereotypical frat boy in college. I didn’t like them, I felt like I couldn’t really talk to them and I generally thought they were stupid – but we all know that this was just a defense mechanism. Deep down, all girls – I don’t care who you are, how smart you are, blah blah – all girls find something about a frat boy overwhelmingly appealing, and deep down, we all wanted their approval. And apparently, I haven’t outgrown this.

I started paying a little more attention to what Chuck was saying. Somehow he had ended up on planning for retirement, and the use of trusts to give money to family members and charitable organizations. He started asking us questions about trusts, living wills, etc – and as I’ve shared here before, this is actually part of my job at the museum. All of the sudden, I was answering Chuck’s questions – questions that I don’t think he really wanted us to answer. At the end of my commentary on charitable giving through life trusts, Chuck smiled and said, “Hey there – she knows what she’s talkin about. Would you like a job with me at *********?” The group let out a tired chuckle, as did I – but, deep down, I felt really satisfied to have won the approval of Chuck, our frat boy financial planner.

Chuck wrapped up his speech with, “Ok, you guys can go order your food. Just don’t go over $10. And fill out these forms, I have to give them to my boss to prove I did this.” We all filled out our forms, giving our office mailing address and our office phone numbers. I expect to receive a call from Chuck in the coming days, and deep down, I’ll probably be kind of excited to hear from him.