when Mary Kay attacks

I have a deep love for discount stores. When work is busy or if I'm just feeling stressed, I like to bargain shop. I don't have to buy anything - it's the thrill of the hunt. Some like to eat good food. Some like to get a massage. Some drink. I like to walk into a store full of out of season discount clothing and housewares, dig around in the chaos for a while, and leave feeling like I'm a little wiser for knowing where you can get slightly damaged Ralph Lauren sheets for $29.99.

So, yesterday I went to TJ Maxx. If you're familiar with TJ Maxx (or Marshall's or Loehmann's - they're all the same), you know that the store is bare bones. Aisles are packed, and they're close together. It's not often that more than one person can really stand in one aisle together comfortably.

Understanding these logistics, it's clear why a woman suddenly standing very close to me while I was on the skirt aisle took me by surprise. And when she touched my shoulder, it was all the more shocking.

WOMAN: "I'm sorry...but I just HAVE to know what you do for a living."

SNAKE: "Uh...I work for a museum. I'm a fund raiser."

WOMAN: "Well, I saw you and I just HAD to tell you about how I've been making SO more money this year!"

The thing is, before she spoke, I knew who she was and what she was up to. I know because I've found myself in this situation more than once. I, a private citizen and discount shopper, was being attacked by a Mary Kay sales stalker.

I started experiencing this phenomenon when I moved to Atlanta. It always used to happen to me in Target. For a solid two years, I was stalked and assaulted on nearly a bi-monthly basis by a Mary Kay woman while shopping. They would always be overdressed for the surroundings (dress, heels, hair, lots and lots of makeup) and they would troll through the store, sniffing out their prey. They would sneak up on me, introduce themselves in this "really, I've never done this before!" kind of a way, and tell me that they simply HAD to know what I did for a living. They would then launch into their speech about how much more money they've been making selling Mary Kay, and they just KNOW I would have the same success. Wouldn't I like to receive one of their informational packets in the mail? And I would always so "no thanks", and they would walk away and attack some other poor gal on the other side of the store.

To be fair, in the work I do as a fund raiser, I know how hard it is to ask for things from strangers. Selling anything is hard work. I have to give these women some credit; it takes more than a little chutzpah to just walk up to a woman on the tampon aisle of Target and deliver to her an impassioned speech about the benefits of selling Mary Kay. Having said this, I also think it's obnoxious and borderline insane. I'm not dissing Mary Kay - but does the company really endorse this "stalk and attack" sort of tactic to recruit women into their ranks?

I have learned one way to stop the conversation quickly and politely is to say, "I have a friend who sells Mary Kay." I said this to my TJ Maxx captor and like magic, the forced smile left her face, she snatched her business card back out of my hand and semi-scolded me with, "We don't like to step on each other's toes. You should have said something sooner." She wouldn't even let me keep her card. Cheap.

So ladies, next time you're milling around your favorite discount store - don't let your guard down too far; there could be a Mary Kay lady hiding in the underpants bin.