Diamond Dave: still the (slightly gay) king of crazy

Last night my sister and I went to the Van Halen show here in Atlanta. It was at the Gwinnett Center Arena, which if you're not familiar with Atlanta and its environs, is located in an unsavory sea of strip malls, chain bars (The Loafing Leprechaun...it was as bad as it sounds) and at least one Holiday Inn. The arena itself, however, was a pretty good venue; certainly the cleanest place I've ever seen a big show. Good sound, clean toilets, and a generous pour on the $8 Bud Light served to me in a giant plastic cup. No complaints here.

And after the clean toilets and big Buds, things only got better. Friends, Van Halen puts on a great show. All joking aside, they were so fun - it was truly impressive. Eddie has suffered through tongue cancer, multiple rehab stays and a hip replacement? Really? He looked healthy and spry from where I was sitting. Even his son held his own, the slightly chubby and awkward Wolfie Van Halen on bass. Alex Van Halen actually appeared to have been frozen in time with a face that hasn't really changed since 1989. I even enjoyed the really long drum solo!

And then there was Dave. What can I say - the man looks incredible. And maybe it's always been there and I'm just now seeing it, but there was a little gay vibe. (Maybe it was the hairless, waxed chest and the bedazzled general's outfit? Who can say. But if a reincarnated Liberace was there performing Runnin' with the Devil on stage, it would be only slightly different from what I beheld last night.) As buff and chiseled as ever, he spent most of the evening sporting an open shirt that left the ladies swooning in their seats! Dancing, high-kicking and looking totally cuckoo crazy from start to finish, seeing David Lee Roth live was everything I had hoped it would be. Naturally, Jump ended the show and was made complete with an enormous inflatable microphone/phallus that Dave twirled around with as a cloud of confetti fell from the ceiling.

The rest of the evening's enjoyment came from the crowd - a spirited crew of suburban dads in Dockers, Johnny Van Zant look-a-likes, a handful of lesbians and just enough older gals in short skirts and leather to make any gathering a good time.

(Proud Jacksonville, Florida

native Johnny Van Zant took over for his late brother and personal style inspiration, Ronnie, as the lead singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd in the 1980's. Other Jacksonville fun-facts: 1. Lynyrd Skynyrd, 38 Special

and I all hail from Jacksonville's westside, a storied spot in southern rock history. 2. There are a lot of men that look like this in

Jacksonville and most of them went to my high school.)

After the show, we headed out to the lobby to buy a t-shirt for my brother-in-law, 2040. There were many t-shirts to choose from, all overpriced. But the souvenirs didn't stop at t-shirts. There were Van Halen tote bags (perhaps a perfect gift for that educator in your life - hot for teacher, indeed!), Van Halen bumper stickers and red Van Halen thongs at the reasonable price of only $15 - a true deal. Fortunately, for those of you not at the show, that deal is also here.

We then made our way to the parking lot where we wandered a while before eventually finding our car. You might assume a champagne Mercedes Benz sedan would be easily found in the parking lot of the Gwinnett Center Van Halen show, right? Not so. We were right in line with most of the crowd: there were many Mercedes, BMW's and Lexus in the mix with just a smattering of pick-up trucks and late 80's/early 90's model camaros here and there to keep it real. Van Halen's fan base has grown up, I guess. But that didn't keep them from rocking out - starched golf shirts be damned.

Needless to say, should Van Halen make its way to your town, I suggest you buy a ticket. And maybe a thong.